Average Living.
Is it still average? What's average?
Your one and only source to the average life of mine.

love,
kathleen
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts

Saturday, December 18, 2010

My Playground

Today is the last day of my surgical rotation and it ended with three back to back sugery. Loved that. So throughout this week I've been in surgery observing and helping around with little things. At the end of my rotation, I have made a decision. The decision is that the operating theater is my playground. So thoes who looking at buying me presents, don't get too offened if I do not look to surprised with my gifts. Trust me, I will love them all. But unless you sudden find the means to buy me an operating theater with all the equipments and materials intact, top it off with so plastice people for me to practise on, I won't be all crazy over it. Haha.

Anyway, I had a really good week and felt that I really learnt alot medically and non-medically. I really felt comfortable, as if surgery is the right thing for me to be doing and that I really liked it. Also, I realised from this week that maybe, just maybe, I am actually a crazy workaholic who will grow up to live and breathe my career. The hospital I work in will probably be my second home that I would spend long hours in. And at the end of the long day when I finally can't find excuses for myself to stay on, I will find it fullfilling. Then, it will start all over again and I will be the first one in the next day. I think thats what I see myself doing when I grow up and I'm going to like that.

I don't know what to say, so I just smile.

Love,
kathleen

Monday, December 13, 2010

Surgery

Today is my first day of surgical rotation in my elective in Malaysia. I loved it. I love helping in surgery, watching surgery and I think I will love doing surgery even more. I learnt so much today I don't even know where to start. I think I will really become a surgeon when I grow up. I know I said that before but it feels so me when I'm in the surgery. And the learning bit, makes me feel that I'm alive, makes me feel that I'm really me. The feeling is amazing. You have to had experience it to know what I'm talking about. I'm so high right now cause I just came out from watching a total thyroid removal and helped in the abscess drainage on a breast. It's awesome.

Anyway, my day start with a code blue. Never seen one before. I stood in a corner with my eyes wide open and trying to see everything while trying to keep out of everyone's way at the same time. It's busy like crazy. That actually rhymed. Haha. Anyway, code blue, as a med student, the best thing to do is to just stay out of people's way unless you get called for. Which you never will. Want to know why? Because you are a med student and you don't know anything. You are like the most useless person in the room. And it's true. Just stand there and learn. And stay out of the way. Oh, and I just realised today that CPR is actually really tiring. I saw them sweating after doing CPR.

Then we have to break a bad news to a patient. Like a really really bad news. I don't think I want to talk about it today. But breaking bad news is like part of being a doctor isn't it. Not everyone can be helped. We have our limits and it is important to acknowledge that.

Then we went to surgery. I watched an thyroid removal. It is a four hours long surgery. But you know what is the magic about it? You don't even realised that you were there for four hours. Its awesome. Then I learnt about anesthesiology things and the importance of looking after the patient even after the surgery. The things to look out for, and the way the patient behaves when they are waking up. Mind blowing. After that, I helped in a breast abscess drainage. It was like a tiny thing but it was still great. Didn't end my day till 9pm though. But totally worth it.

Anyway, I think live and breathe medicine. I don't even know why I was in medicine. It was a gut instinct. But I stepped in, and never looked back ever since.

love,
kathleen

Sunday, May 9, 2010

The Game

Game Title: Life

Number of Players: 1 only

Duration: Life time

Objective:

1. To reach the end of the game
2. To achieve the things the player wants to achieve

Instructions:

1. Set aims and goals throughout the game
2. Overcome the challenges that occurs in the game
3. Experience the challenges, learn from it and leave it
4. Leave a mark in the places you've been, the people you've met
5. Do everything you need to achieve the things you want to achieve
6. Upon nearing the end of the game, take a moment to turn around and look at the trail you left behind

Tips:

1. The game had already started before you know about it
2. You are not the only one playing this game. Everyone is playing it. It is that popular.
3. Others will enter your game and you will enter other's game. They will leave eventually and you should leave when appropriate. Don't stay longer then necessary.
4. Stay focused. Be determined.
5. Challenges has a start and end point, they just take time to learn to be identified.
6. The length, difficulty and experience of the challenges varies. This makes you unique and they can't be taken away regardless.


There is no turning back now. Embrace this game and make the most out of it.

love,
kathleen

Friday, April 30, 2010

The Human Heart

The human heart is an organ that lies within the thoracic cavity. It sits within the mediastinum within the fibrous pericardium, within the parietal and visceral pericardium.

The human heart beats. It beats to pump blood to the lungs, to the body. The human heart relaxes. It relaxes to receives blood from the lungs, from the body and from the human heart itself. Endlessly, day and night it gives and receives.

Just so occasionally, the human heart gives more than blood to the body of which it belongs. Just the little bit more. The little bit more that makes the heart become tachycardic whenever the right person appears, walks by or get talks about. The little bit more that makes the heart become even more tachycardic whenever the right person speaks to the body. The little bit more that that makes the body smile and gaze at the right person in front. The little bit more that makes the brain goes fuzzy and uncertain.

And because the brain goes fuzzy and uncertain with thousands of thoughts and emotions shouting out in the brain, the human heart increases in inotropy and chronotropy. This is the increase that makes things worst. It makes the brain go fuzzier and more uncertain. It makes the brain become distracted and not listen to others when spoken too. This is detrimental. It really is. It makes the brain look stupid, sound stupid and act stupid. It makes others feel that the brain is stupid but worst it makes others feel unheard, unappreciated, unimportant. And this is detrimental too. It really really is. It makes the human heart feels guilty. What's done was not intentional. What's done wasn't even meant to be done. It makes the human heart awkward. This awkward human heart makes the brain make the body do awkward things. This awkward things pushes the person and others away from the body. Eventually, the body gets nothing, the brain gets nothing, the human heart gets nothing too.

Here is what the brain should do when the human heart starts to give the little bit more than blood to the body of which it resides.

The brain should kindly tell the heart that it is not going to work. The little bit more should be allowed to now be diluted in the blood and the body. The dilution that is required to put the past behind.

Now this would work because then the brain would not do stupid and awkward things. The stupid and awkward things the pushes others away. But more importantly, the stupid and awkward things that pushes the right person away. This means that although the heart and brain and body does not exactly what they wanted, they would at least get something slightly close to what they want. After all, a little of it, is better than none of it. This is the little bit that gives that little bit of hope, that little bit of inspiration , that little bit of everything that makes everything seem right, that little bit that makes the long and gloomy day ahead go by a little bit faster, a little bit brighter and that little bit that makes the day end with a little bit of smile.
That little bit that the human heart gives.That little bit.

Now that the week have ended, it's a new week that needs focus. It's time to make the little bit a little bit more little. So little that it is just the right amount to make things right, to stay on track, to reach the goal before allowing the little bit to increase.

So here is what I'm going to do, I'm going to study, work hard and make sure that I'm right on track. Because this is the only way to get the little bit extra in my future, my life, my surrounding.

love,
kathleen

Saturday, March 13, 2010

When I grow up

So this is the end of week 3 of school. As the norm goes, I'm studying. So next week I will be doing a presentation, a case presentation actually, to the whole cohort and the lectures. Scary but at least I'm not alone. I mean of course there would only be me talking when I'm suppose to, how can we have more than one person talkingat anyone time, but there are others presenting with me too. Still scary because I'm opening. Anyone who have seen me make presentations will know that I'm quite terrible at it. But the idea is cool though. We've got to present a case as if we are on the wards with a consultant type. This is to prepare us for 3rd year ward rounds. Wish me luck I guess, got to do it eventually.

So, I was in the shower after finish my essay, which I'm nearly done and there is still a month to go before it's due, I thought that I want to do another essay. Remember in primary school, every start of the year the teacher makes you do a creative writing on what you want to be when you grow up. In my first one, I wrote that I was going to be a professional robber. Drove everyone nuts, and they all freaked out. It's creative though and I'd make loads of money and little work when I get really good at robbing. Haha. I'm doing another one now though.

When I grow up.
When I grow up, I want to be intelligent. When I grow up, I want to strong. When I grow up, I want to be a surgeon. I want to be the top surgeon. The best surgeon that anyone would ever know. When I grow up, I want to be great. When I grow up, I want to be amazing. More amazing than anyone amazing. When I grow up, I want to invent new techniques. Techniques that is better than previous, more effective, more quick, more economical. Most importantly, when I grow up, I want to be a better me. A much better me.


love,
kathleen

Friday, February 12, 2010

The return to reality

Today's the day. Today is officially the last day of my summer break. Today, I will be leaving the comfort of my home. Today, I will be on the plane off to Hobart.

This morning, I woke up at 5am. I beat the Sun to waking up. Early in the morning with my eyes still sleepy, we went to the market to do marketing and have breakfast. At least we beat the crowd to marketing and got everything that we would need.

By the time I got back, I went right back to bed and fell asleep. By the time I woke up looking for food, it's lunch time. By the time then, I felt that I should start to pack up my gear and get ready. So that's what I did.

Now, I'm hanging out in m favourite armchair, sitting around and watching television. Now, I have my laptop on my lap, blogging of course. Now, I'm still waiting for the right time to start making dinner.

Later, I would be in the kitchen hanging around, trying to help out for tonight's dinner. Later, I would then go pick grandma over for dinner. Later, I would be having reunion dinner with my family, a day in advance. Later then, I would be on my way to the airport after lighting some firecracker for Chinese New Year. Later, I would be boarding the plane. Later, I would be on the plane and sitting in my window seat. Later, I would realise that this is it, this is the end, this is the moment of returning to my life, to living, to working for and protecting the things I know I truely desire.

Tomorrow, I will find myself being rudely awoken by the stewardess telling me to put my seat upright and open the window shade to prepare for landing. Tomorrow, I will find myself having lunch without breakfast due to the time difference. Tomorrow, I will find myself hang out in Melbourne airport for 5 hours waiting for the next flight to Hobart. Tomorrow, I will find myself in the hostel, having my first hostel meal for the year. Tomorrow, I will find myself unpacking everything before falling soundly asleep, awaiting for another tomorrow.

Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is a mystery, Today is a gift. That's why it's called Present.
Till next summer break.

love,
kathleen

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Flying by time

I remember when I was little, my parents always went " Kathleen, time is flying by so hurry up and stop wasting it, we need to get that little butt of yours to school !!!" I still laugh whenever I think of it and they still tell me that though no longer rushing me to school, just everything else. Heehee.

However, they are not too wrong are they. It does really "fly" and goes zoom, thats it. You miss it, it's gone, never coming back anymore. Making things worst, is that it goes by, then you realise that you did something wrong, or that you could have done it better. But there is really nothing you can do about what you did, the harm is done, other then plan what you are going to do to correct it or at least make it not that wrong. This is not always possible though, as most of us would figure it out that it's probably years too late, to the extend that sometimes, no one else other then yourself seems to remember it.

So, I'm just thinking, from now on, I'm going to stop wasting time, and make the most out of it. At least as much as I can. Idling from time to time is unavoidable. Gives me an imagined spaced to be me and figure things out.

That's me though, you?

love,
kathleen

Monday, January 11, 2010

The New Year 2010

It's once again another New Year. Well, I know its kind of late but i really just got home from my holidays.

Anyways, a new year, a new begining right? So like another average girls, I am going to write a new year resolution list.

1) Study consistanly and not leave it to the last mintue.
2) Get HD for the upcoming semesters.
3) Know my classmates names, cause they seems to know mine.
4) Be well organised in my time managment.
5) Clock in at least 2-3 hours of study after school at night after dinner and shower so that I won't need to spend my weekends catching up on all the work.
6) Be ahead of my lectures and actually do my homework.
7) Make my weekend runs a longer distance than it was.
8) Lose weight!!! (This may be easy given the hostel food)
9) Be nice to people even when I don't feel like being nice. (It's not really fair to them sometimes and I do feel bad about it)
10) Go to bed early so that I don't fall asleep in class the next day.

Wow! Guess I got alot to work on and the issue is that it wasn't difficult to come up with them.
Oh well, I may actually print it out and paste on my whiteboard so that I actually work on it.

To anyone who have a list already, good luck sticking to it. I will try my best to stick to mine. To those who don't, maybe you should go write one.

Well, now I shall be starting to read my textbooks for the upcoming semester. Second year is afterall said to be the hardest year of all. But it is still holiday, so I will just take it slow and warm up a little till school starts.

love,
kathleen

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Secrets

Just sitting in my living room with my laptop on my lap and playing with it and suddenly thought about blogging about this. Not that I know why I suddenly thought of doing so.

Anyway, do you have or had secrets? I'm not talking about secrets like those that you tell your friends not to tell or any otherwise. I'm talking about the type of secrets that is kept deep deep down in yourself. Secrets that are conjured from no where and wouldn't leave. Secrets that sometimes you would deny that they are your secrets but it just keeps coming back to haunt your thoughts. Secrets about stuff that you hope that no one will ever ever find out. Secrets that the thought of telling someone about it would not even cross your mind.

I know I do.

love,
kathleen

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Home

Where is home to you?

Well, to me, home is anyway my family is. As long as they are around me regardless if they are minding their own business or other people's business, my family is my home.

After all, you can't deny the truth that there really just isn't anyone that can replace the role of your parents or even your annoying big brother who always tease you. They are special individuals who watch you grow up, play with you and regardless of what harm you have done or how angry you make them, they just forget it in like 5 secs. That is inclusive of telling on your brother. Amazing.

The thing is, it works the other way too. Whenever my brother gets me in trouble or make me do something for him, I grumble and complaint but do it anyway. Why? He is my brother. If I don't help him, who would right? Or whenever my parents go "because I tell you so" after a verbal match from my side of 'why', I may be angry for a little while then I still go do it. Why? Because my parents tell me to and if I don't listen to them, who would I listen to.

So, home to me is where my family is. I enjoy the time over my summer vaction of when I am just sitting in the living room with my whole family. We wern't doing anything in particular together. Just sitting together, typing away on our laptop and minding our own business, like now. But it still feels good just with the sense of each other around.

The catch is, the moment I leave for school again, I will be dearly missing this feeling and be lonely for another 8 months. Of course there is school work to keep my mind busy so that I don't really become homesick. On the plus side however, the time away from my family makes my value them more each time I return home.

Do you reckon too?

love,
kathleen